- start journaling again
-possibly post an entry regarding my current life and work on tumblr
-party party
-laundry
-try to get over you
-text/call you as minimal as possible

All these seem manageable except one task. Gaaah.

Let’s get this weekend started!

Rose.

My love life at the moment is non existent. It actually has been non existent since the summer of ‘08. To be honest everytime I did date/saw someone it was always “on and off” or unsteady. But there was that one relationship that surpassed all the others when it came to the length of time, the amount of love, positivity AND negativity. It was my high school love.

Ever since highschool ended, our paths have only crossed once with no acknowledging each other. All my friends and some of my cousins have bumped into you at least once and when they saw me they’d always mention “HEY! Guess who I saw the other day?! Anthony!” I dont know if it means anything but I always hope that somehow whenever I’m at HSC I’ll bump into you. Now that I’ll work there too I’m afraid we will bump into each other and dont know what will happen. Do I smile? Do I say hi? Or will we just ignore each other and be strangers who were once so crazy in love?

I think of you everyday, sometimes you’ll pop in my head more than once a day. Sometimes certain things will make me remember you like if I see soccer on tv or a song we use to pump in your car.

I wanna be over you, I really do. It’s just so hard. It’s been 8 years since we got together and 6 years since we broke up. You think by now my feelings would have disappeared and dissolve but they havent at all changed.

I still feel the same as gr.10,11 and 12 when I’d see you walk towards me in the caf in the mornings. I still feel the same way waking up to you after taking a nap. I still feel the same as when you held my hand in the mall.

I tried reaching out to you and you told me you were still in love with her and I thought it would give me some closure. I was wrong.

I don’t know if our paths will cross, I don’t know if I’ll say hi to you and smile and I don’t know if we’ll ignore each other like strangers who were once crazy in love. What I do know is I’ll always be here for you and right now my heart says its you.

“Lightning don’t strike the same place twice” -Angel’s Cry, Mariah Carey and Neyo.

-Rose.

*Reading your blog inspired me to come back to blogging. Funny how things work out.

About half a year ago I quit my last job due to the bs management and the low amount of pay. Just recently though I applied for a job at CancerCare MB (HSC hospital site) and scored an interview. I waited and waited to see if I landed the job and to my suprise I did. I will be working in health records as a records processing clerk.

This couldnt have come at such a better time. For awhile now I’ve been broke and desperately needing a job. For awhile also my parents’ financial situation hasn’t been great. I’m glad now that I can help them out.

Even though times are rough I realized yesterday (after a talk with my close cousin) I am still so blessed. I have a supportive family (even though our relationship with my dad’s side is on the rocks, I still have an awesome extended family), the best of friends and now a great paying job. At the end of a day, sometimes an awful day, I am thankful and more than content with my life.

Cheers to family, great friends and a blessed life

-Rose.

Met you last week and I thought we hit it off but I guess it won’t work out. Ugh, what a disappointment. Everytime I try. Gaaah when will I have a chance? I know life’s good right now but that little extra zing to my life would have been great. Oh well. Still got to be thankful about what IS in my life and for the people in it.

One love,

-Rose.

As much as I want you back, I don’t think I’ll ever want to get back together. I can’t put my heart through what it’s been through all over again.

….soo emo. Sorreh just had to vent.

Guess it is better this way. It hurts but I’m still good. It’ll be 6 years in a few months and I’m glad to say I’m slowly letting go.

:) Gotta thank my support system; my lady cousins, my best, their boyfriends/fiancee, my fam for always listening to me vent and for loving me unconditionally even when it got annoying whenever I couldn’t stop talking about “it”. Oh! and for letting me be the third wheel sometimes :S haha

Thanks, love you guys forever.

Gotta keep my head up. Cheers to brighter days.

One love,

Rose.

(Wow, what mumble jumble this post was. :| ahaha)

With my last post, I said that I had found a new job. Unfortunately, I decided to quit the job because I honestly thought the work I put into the job wasn’t worth it all. The pay was very low and the management wasn’t great. Even the doctor I was assigned to ended up leaving and that made me sad because she was very kind to me and was very patient. Even though money is tight for me right now I am keeping positive and am trying hard to seek a new job.

Also, a couple weeks ago I lost my uncle. He had a special bond with my mom as they were cousins and were always found teasing each other greatly. A lot of people respected him and I will never forget all the times he asked me how I was doing and if I had a boyfriend yet. Every time I answered no, he asked why and that I needed to find someone soon before time ran out. He was one of the sweetest, most opinionated men I know. At his viewing and memorial service I realized how tight my family is and how they came together strongly in a time of need. This is one of the reasons why it is hard for me to leave Winnipeg. There have been times and questions by family asking why I haven’t moved to Calgary yet with my aunt and cousins. Honestly, I could move there but I just don’t have the heart to leave family here in Winnipeg behind just yet.

I also learned how strong my family is and that when it comes down to the end, family will be there for you no matter what.

Then there’s a revelation I had about you. Last Friday night my bestfriend and her fiancee came over and I talked to her about *you. She kind of put this in perspective for me when she asked if I had closure to us and when I told her no, she asked me what kind of closure I wanted. I didn’t know what to answer because although I still want to be friends I know that would be really tough but I also know that not having you in my life hurts even more. It’s been 6 years and you still have my heart, mind and soul.

Last night though, I was in bed listening to the song Brokenhearted by Brandy and Wanya Morris of Boyz II Men and as tears filled my eyes I asked myself “Is it still worth the pain and hurt?” My answer? My answer was no. It definitely is not worth it anymore and I am tired of putting myself through hell. I can strongly say that now is the road to recovery and healing. You’re right, your heart was never in it so why should mine be? Life goes on and as they say as one door closes another will open. I just hope that the next door that opens is a chance for me to love again with someone who will love me unconditionally and whole heartedly.

My heart is still broken but I believe it will be at peace again soon. Now enough with this cheesyness. Time to celebrate! :) Although times are rough right now, life’s still good and I’m thankful.

-Rose.

So. ….I am officially employed again :) This time though, I am working full time as a receptionist/medical assistant at a doctor’s clinic downtown here in the city and I know I’ve said in the last post that I wasn’t willing to give up my weekends to work but with this job I may have to. I guess it doesn’t really bother me much anymore because it is full time AND I am older now. I have done a lot of things with my family and cousins already so it’s not really a biggie if I miss some occasions.

I started training on Sunday for only five hours but the training was easy and my cousin was my trainer! What a small world. It was pretty basic and the clinic wasn’t at all busy because there were only about ten patients that day. I got a feel for what I needed to know and got familiar with the computer programs that they use. For some weird reason, I think I’m going to love this job more than when I worked at the hospital BUT I don’t want to say anything for the record yet. 

Since today is a holiday I didn’t have work but tomorrow is when the real work starts. I’m hoping it will be steady and not majorly busy so that I can ask questions and become even more comfortable. I’m still training but I hope I can become independent soon.

I also went for my first driving lesson today! My uncle agreed to teach me because well if my dad taught me, let’s just say it probably wouldn’t be a pretty situation (not that I don’t get along with my dad, I get along with him great! but he gets nervous easily). It’s about time I get started on getting my license. It`s been five years since I got my beginners! I know right, ridiculous! Haha think I didn`t do too bad today considering its been years since I practiced. Going to aim to get my license before winter starts but we`ll see.

I`m finally getting my life together with this full time job and getting my license. I am excited for the next months to come and think I deserve a pat on the back. LOL. Anyways…..

Going to end it here so that I can eat some of my dad’s pancit (noodles cooked with veggies and meat) and call it a day. Goodnight tumblr!

-Rose.

…. has been great! Although there were a few setbacks (I quit my job and I am no longer going to school this year) I can say this summer so far has been one of the best summers I’ve had. 

Right now I am still looking for a new job but I’m not too worried because the place that was supposed to help me out with school is now going to help me with some job searching assistance. They initially told me that they didn’t have the funds for me to go back to school so instead will get me in touch with two job agencies here in the city so I’m excited for that. 

So far my family has gone out of town for the weekends a couple of times and it’s been so much fun. Going swimming, tanning in the sun, eating loads of good food, being around great company…I swear when I find a job I absolutely don’t want to work weekends. Weekends with family has made my life and I’m still not willing to give them up. This weekend will entail the same kind of partying and we are going to a town called Hecla this weekend which is an hour and a half away.  

Onto more good news, two of my older cousins from Calgary and their mother (my aunt) are coming here in a couple of weeks so I’m really excited for that as well. I haven’t seen them in a few years and every time we get together we have a good time. Excited for me is an understatement.

So that’s that. A lot more has happened in my personal life but I think I’ll save those details for another post if I have time to post in the next couple weeks. Let’s just say I’ve gotten over some baggage that was left from a previous relationship and it feels sooo good. On the other hand, I’m still thinking another but let’s not go there. :) 

See ya later tumblr. Cheers!

-Rose.